Mordax et al

astriferous-adventurer:

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

badpearl:

rainboeninja:

badpearl:

getting out of an abusive household – a household where you don’t feel safe – is difficult as all hell. you can’t do it at once, can’t pack a day’s bag in half an hour and leave. trust me, i’ve tried, you gotta plan in little steps

• break belongings down into chunks. clothes, toiletries, valuables, essentials, others. whatever you absolutely need. figure out how to pack a bag to take
• you need housing or other shelter. organise with friends and safe family, look up safe shelters, youth groups etc. too
• look up transport fares. can you catch the bus? can you afford a travel card? if you’re like me and you have a school opal/other card (free travel on mondays to fridays), it’s your greatest asset. even $10 on an adult card gets you a ride or two somewhere
• make a plan. accrue evidence, bide your time, whatever. keeping your head down is the best way to go about it; you want to be stealthy. be patient. hold onto your determination
• have multiple options up your sleeve. if you only have one plan that hinges on a specific set of circumstances, you’re fucked. if something falls through, don’t get hung up on it. as long as there’s a sliver of hope, there’s a way. find another way. if there’s only one option, study it as much as possible, run it through your mind; if you can practice it, practice it (but remember to be stealthy). you want the final result to be as smooth as possible
• in everything: organisation is key. make checklists. wherever you need to, break it into little chunks. smaller chunks are easier to run through your mind and link together later. that’s a tip from your friendly autistic pal
• what kind of bag do you have? I’ve got the luxury of a once-used 70L hiking pack so I can pack heaps of stuff, but get the best bag you have. someone close to me has just a school backpack, and they can fit two changes of clothes and a few other necessities. I’d imagine it’s more likely you’ll have a backpack, so learn how to pack your bag best
• income is super important; can you apply for welfare? are you on welfare? can you keep up a job, or get money from somewhere else?

hrgjgh I’m out of spoons, I can’t think of anything else. the main point I”m trying to get across is that time is most important; practice practice practice, get used to minor independence things, contact as many people as you trust to help, and keep your head down, and bide your time. you want to leave as smoothly as possible. don’t have a half-plan that hinges on maybes – of course sometimes it can’t be helped but as much as you can make sure you have a solid plan of action with safety nets

does anyone want to add anything???

Steal from abusers if you have to. Don’t take cards, those can be traced. Take small amounts of cash at a time. Pocket change. Those can turn into meals, uber rides, you name it. When it comes time to make the big leave, though, if you can take more without getting caught then fucking do it.

If you have a safe/permanent place locked down, and they’re in your general vicinity, move your stuff slowly. Do it like a few articles of clothing at a time.

Don’t leave a trace. Don’t let them know where to find you. Fuck them up and leave them to wonder where the hell you’ve gone.

This is 100% accurate and reliable advice, and as with all things don’t get caught… Check replies and tags on this post, there are a lot of really good responses

Also while I have spoons to spare here are some elaborations on my own points

1. If you’re stumped on remembering evidence because of trauma, start a tag on your blog or a side blog. I have a tag #parents log for this. Post when things happen, or when you remember things, or even want to vent about something you remembered. This is your evidence. After a while, you’ll be able to remember better, and you’ll be able to write more down. Don’t worry if you can only write a few sentences or keywords at a time – stop before you’re overwhelmed. Your safety is paramount, even during this process.
2. Read articles about abuse, all kinds, if you have the strength. The better you can reference and connect and find words and terms for things, the better case you’ll have, and if you have a case worker, they can help put together a case for you. This ties in with the parent logs. Remember to stop before or when you feel sick/overwhelmed, and try again later.
3. Stay determined!!! Above all things, take care of yourself, and hold onto your hopes. Yes, I am alluding to undertale; holding onto your hopes and dreams and determination is your most valuable asset. If you aren’t a fan of Undertale, find your own metaphor. What’s important is that you keep a fire alive inside you, even if it’s an ember. Use anything you need. You’re strong in the real way
4. The truth is, you need to be prepared for a best and worst case scenario. Yes, hold onto your strength; no, don’t let it overwhelm you. Don’t think too far into the future – sometimes, you need to take it one week, one day, one hour at a time. Break it into the smallest incriments you need. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t.

This post is always okay to reblog, and you can still add your own advice

This is soo good! I want to add that you do not need to report if you don’t want to, but the evidence-keeping can also help you survive gaslighting and, if you need one, may make getting a restraining order easier after you escape.

These are some extra notes and tactics me and my friend used when were were planning their cross-country escape (that actually worked, holy fuck)

1. Use modes of transportation they wouldnt expect. My friend took only a short airplane ride to a town in-state and we laid low for just a day before taking trains for a week straight. During that one day we were tipped off by the police letting us know that one of the abusers had found their way to the town we were in, but they had been walking around the airport all day and didn’t make it in time to the train station before we left. Taking the trains was a weird choice in our plan we did both for strategy and for straight up adventure, but that day it saved our skins. Also, use anything else; SAFE taxis, uber, greyhound, bike, ferry, a good friend who can drive. Mix it up. From what I’ve heard, it’s an unusual circumstance for one of the abusers to immediately pursue, but it only lasted a short while and some simple diversionary tactics can actually help a lot. 

2. You need a phone, but as soon as you leave, if there’s a chip card in your phone, take it out for a while. Keep it somewhere safe but out of your phone. My friend had to turn their phone on for a second the first night and they immediately tracked us to our first hotel, leading us on a chaotic night of taxi cabs and very strange terrifying motels before we found somewhere safe and hidden. On another note: you can always ditch the chip altogether if you really need to; trains are airtight except for between the cars and you can slip a chip card through easy and leave it in the middle of nowhere. 

3. Waiting until you are of legal age is beneficial in that the police are more likely to side with you; my friend wasnt ready to trust police with the full brunt of what had happened to them, just that they were moving away, but it was thanks to police officers meeting up with us and confirming my friends age that we got updates on what the abusers were up to and where they were looking for us. However, if you are in danger, do what you can to get out, find an area with police that are more likely to believe you or help you. Not to be an asshole, but the North really does have better chances for safety and police treating you better. Coastal cities rock; they’re more liberal, have lots of opportunities, and plenty of room to get lost in a crowd. Nothings perfect though, so choose wisely. 

4. Plan for a day months in advance. Make a vague plan, fine tune it, go through every detail, then find where it’s flawed as fuck and scrap it. Edit. Revise. Go through it again. It’ll feel hopeless, I know; I still have half a journal full of scrapped step by step plans, edited only slightly each time, but having a solid plan is the best thing you can have. The second best thing is PLAN B, C, D, E, F. For every step of the plan, you need an alternative. Remember: The point is just getting somewhere safe that you can build upon. No matter how many plans you have to scrap, keep going. Keep revising. Every time something comes up wrong, dont say “I’ll never escape” say “How do I make this work? There are options.”

5. On a smaller note; if you have a friend who you go over for sleepovers for on a regular basis? Take stuff you want to send to yourself later to their house, have them hide a suitcase of your stuff under their bed. Bring a little bit more every time you go over for a sleepover. When you leave, they can send you the things you really care about, without anyone withholding anything from you. 

6. Lots of things are going to go wrong, probably, but usually not in the ways you fear the most. If you’ve got a good plan and lots of preparation, and enough flexibility to get by, you’ll be okay. We nearly got tracked to our exact location on the first night, we met a lot of weird characters, we made an adventure out of a horrible situation and got to see the whole country, from New York City to Chicago to my home (and now my friends home), but we also missed a train and got stuck in chicago, we almost had to take 15 greyhound buses back home (thank god we traded for one big train ride), there was a lot of emotional phone calls and messy moments and we were tired and slept in coach seats on trains for a week. And a lot of that messed up bullshit youve been through is going to start catching up to you, and its gonna be intense. Its gonna be sad, its gonna be a relief, its gonna be physically and emotionally and mentally confusing, but you’ll be okay. 

7. If you can confirm that you are safe and with people and “moving away” in a way that doesn’t allude to your location or who youre with or what your plans are do it. Your trackers cant drag you back by saying you’re missing. 

8. When you DO make it, dont look back. Dont regret it. Dont beat yourself up about it. Try your absolute best not to. The first year or month or weeks or couple years or anything will be hard; very hard. Get mental and physical health services immediately, find people you can socialize with, stay healthy, stay safe. DO NOT put off getting mental health. No matter what. I guarantee you it is the best thing you can do to set your new life on the right path. But dont think that your escape was a mistake every time something goes wrong. It is okay to make those mistakes, y’all, thats part of being independent. It will be hard, but you are alive, and you are striving for a beautiful fantastic happy life, adn that is the best thing you can be doing. 

That’s all I can think of at the moment, but good luck, stay safe, keep your wits.