Mordax et al

mykingdomforapen:

1. If it is the ocean that sings to you, or the
   thrill of Aztec treasure, or other kingdom’s riches, know that you cannot go
   back. Once you set sail, the saltwater will haunt you even if you retire to a
   desert. There will never be enough golden coins or golden islands that will
   satisfy you. The life of a pirate is a thirsting life, and it is common knowledge
   that saltwater does not quench.
2. Kiss your mother and father’s graves goodbye
   before you set sail. If the ocean will not be your grave, the gallows are too
   far from the churchyard to comfort your spirit. Keep your farewells frugal.
   Better yet, disappear without a word. Legends are not borne out of nostalgia.
3. Turn a blind eye to the third mate whose hair is
   bunched into their hat and keeps their chest wrapped tightly under their
   bleached tunic. Her hands may be small, but they will build callouses just like
   yours once she scrubs the deck long enough. Bad luck is not the fault of a
   stowaway woman, and the storms are not her doing—after all, the crew had thrown
   Jonah into the sea to calm it. You’d be better off watching out for the storm
   that is the woman. She will put you to shame when she sets fire to your enemies
   to fight tooth and nail for the freedom she earned.
4. Treat a mermaid gently if one accidentally gets
   tangled in your fishing net—comb the hooks out of his hair and don’t curse if he
   bites your fingers. Offer him your hat to shield his eyes from the sun and
   answer his questions when he asks in panic why his fingers are wrinkling. If
   you must chuckle, try to do so silently, so that he does not think are laughing
   at him. Mermaids are born singers—their egos are easily bruised.
5. When a man goes overboard in the midst of a
   storm, throw the rope to him. If he cannot cling onto it, lower yourself in a
   rowboat to help him from the bobbing waves. But remember to never jump in after
   him, if he turns away and rides the waves into the deep. Do not blame yourself.
   You could hold your breath forever and still cannot rescue a drowning man who
   swims away from a lifesaver.
6. Whistle while you work. The songs that your
   mother used to sing you to sleep with are not a curse just because it is from
   the past. And melodic tales about purple mountains and golden cornfields will
   stun your mermaid guest—he will ask you again and again how fast horses run,
   and how do flowers smell like. He will test your patience, but even pirates
   enjoy basking in Scheherazade’s glory. We all like to be heard other times than
   when we’re shouting orders.
7. There is little use in envying your legendary
   predecessors. Madame Ching and Blackbeard’s skin peeled under the sun just like
   yours. Legends never feel like legends when their shoulders ache.
8. You will lose your hand along the way. Some lose
   their eye, others their foot, others aren’t as lucky and lose their hope. It is
   all part of chasing the impossible. When the time comes—and it will come, when
   you are least prepared—there is no shame in weeping. There will never be enough
   saltwater. Let your mermaid guest dress your wound and see your tears. He will
   miss your tender palms, and you will miss that sense of safety. But let him
   treat you; his fingers are nimble and cool to the touch.
9. When he sings to you the songs of his world and
   people, do not be overwhelmed—there will always be a part of the ocean that you
   will never see. The greatest pirates will never know what lies beneath their
   hull. Most hurl a mermaid out of their sight for fear of deception, and never
   lit a candle for him to see a dancing flame for the first time, cautioning him
   to keep his hands to themselves.
10. Keep your plank short and sturdy—no one wants to
    walk to their death with shaky knees. No captain can avoid a mutiny, but that
    does not mean that you did not do something wrong. Which is why without a
    doubt, when your second mate plunges blindfolded into the sea, your heart will
    sink right down with him. But a captain is expected to root out betrayal and
    never betray themselves. Careful—if you catch yourself calling him name when
    you call all hands on deck, your crew might suspect that you regret it.
11. Buried gold can afford bejeweled, decadent hooks
    for where your hand had once been. The richest of pirates can afford hooks of
    pure gold and a diamond cuff whose reflection can almost replace the spark in
    your dulled eyes. But they will only ever be hooks, and your mermaid will gasp
    in pain every time you cut his skin, even if you try to be gentle. He knows
    that you can’t help it, but don’t get cross if he shies away from you when you
    come too close. Mermaids are not quite used to love which makes them bleed.
12. Pirates are not heroes. They kill in order to
    avoid the gallows. They maroon rather than forgive. All who sail past you will
    assume the worst of you, and point their cannons at your sails without
    consideration. It may be easier to live up to their expectations and take up
    your sword. It is far more exhausting fighting for your nobility.
13. Your mermaid guest cannot stay for long. The sun
    scorches his skin, shrivels his scales, cracks his voice. The explosions of
    your ship’s cannons and your musket rounds piercing the Royal Navy shake him to
    their core. You can beg all you want, but your hook only hurts him when you try
    to hold on to him. He will wait until it is nighttime to quietly throw himself
    overboard. Two of your mates will hold you back from diving after him. They
    know that they could not save you if you did.
14. Do not be alarmed when you find yourself under
    the starlight missing home. Any captain of a loyal crew will be desperately
    lonely when sailing alone in the wide, treacherous expanse that is one’s own
    head. I’m afraid, however, that it is too late now to turn back. Your lost
    hand, or cold, nimble fingers would not be there home waiting for you even if
    it wasn’t.
15. Understand that you will never be remembered.
    Even if your name is emblazoned with fear in every queen’s heart, even if the
    tales of your terror make every captain shudder. They will not remember the
    songs you hummed under the moonlight. They will not remember your careful
    fingers loosening hooks from their hair. Legends are not borne out of love.