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not-even-even
replied to your post “the thing that confuses me about acecourse is how exactly people…”like, there are norms that are imposed differently on guys and girls, and then there are norms that are strongly connected to straightness, but they are not the same? maybe if we stamp not-straight on anything the mainstream has found objectionable in a gendered way, then we can make the poster-above-you correct, but I’d feel that would be empirically false. you can’t just collapse categories like that.
This exact thing is why I headtilt at “Hetace and hetaro is queer, but het kink is not queer.” I do not understand how these things can be true at the same time.
If “liking genders other than the one approved gender” is too narrow to capture what queerness is, I don’t understand why kink would not go under it at all. If queerness is about “the people who fit the standards look at us and think we are subhuman and vile,” rather than about gender norms, then… IMO, kink’s queer.
I mean, maybe “we tried fuzzy handcuffs” isn’t, in a post-50S world (as weird as it feels to type that.) But a leather lifestyler who heads a leatherfamily? You really think the average random non-kinky heterosexual is gonna suddenly grok that because Master Mike is cis and so is slave becky and slave linda?
yeah – like even maybe “we tried spanking” isn’t, but any kind of lifestyle kink, or kink that creates its own dimension of how you interact with people sexually (or non-sexually!) – that’s not something you can explain to ARNKH.
a lot of kink, even if it isn’t D/s, has potential for creating unique relationships. the relationship you have with the kink buddy who’s tied you up and helped you explore the experience of being in your body – that’s going to be different from other friendships or romantic/sexual relationships in subtle ways. you’ve shared a vulnerability that’s not sexual. that’s a unique relationship status, just like poly is (and i do think poly is queer).
plus anything that causes serious pain, harm, bleeding, etc beyond a hickey or a few scratches/bites is going to be seen as sexually deviant and even mentally deranged (in the sense that people see odd behavior as mental illness and mental illness as something that Makes You Dangerous). at best, it looks like self-harm, at worst like abuse. so that’s a category and a dynamic (even if it’s a dynamic between yourself and yourself) that people will come down hard on.
and that’s not all kinky things. but as tumblr is constantly proving, it’s really, really dangerous to start drawing lines about who belongs and who doesn’t, when you’re talking about providing safety and education to vulnerable people. so i include the whole category, because i don’t think it’s safe not to.
Acecourse just… confuses me frankly. I have people on both sides of the fence on my dash, and honesty there are compelling arguments on both sides, and really nasty people on both sides, and I don’t know what to think.
As for kink, as a person whose sexual identity is pretty much inseparable from kink I find that tumblr is a very hostile and unsafe space to talk about such things, which is unfortunate. I feel like anybody who admits to being kinky gets branded with a red letter.
Captain, are you me? Because this is pretty much exactly how I feel about all of it.
Maybe I am, I hadn’t thought to check 😛
But I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.
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