Mordax et al

I answer these questions as my ire settles in the wake of anonymous accusations that I have in some way shown a lack of respect for her royal highness. The reader— though I hesitate to refer to them as such due to their remarkable lack of comprehension of these diaries in the accusations they put forth— sent me a number of further messages than those I responded to. I did not respond to them because they merited no recognition, descending from what might be honest discourse into mere insults.

To my loyal readers— whether you intend to personally attack me or not, I will not be answering any questions framed in a way to doubt that I am writing from experience. Doubt my frame of reference, or observational skills if you must, but do not accuse me of ‘making stuff up’; at least not anonymously, giving me no way to discuss the matter privately.

With that out of the way I shall address with more pleasure the topic at hand; my personal interactions with, and opinion of the Black Queen. It must first be restated that I would not be alive today if it were not for her intervention— it was she, as I stated who brought me to my quest bed after Leon inflicted fatal wounds upon me. It was by her tacit blessing that I remained able to go among the Dersites so unmolested as a child.

Out of modesty and respect for the Queen’s privacy I have not spoken thus far in these diaries of our relationship or her personal side. It seems however, due to human sensitivities a little openness might be preferred, and I suppose I do not see how it could do the many iterations of the Queen a disservice for those who may be fated to fight her to see  her from a more human viewpoint. For that purpose, allow me to delve for a moment into memoir.

When I first met the monarch of Derse I was an eleven year old girl in enormous glasses and slightly oversized purple pajamas. When you’re a little girl flying over a dream city for nights in a row, a gleaming palace at the center of it all really seems like where you ought to go. When they spotted me coming, a number of the guards mustered outside— it was intimidating at the time, very, though I now know they would not have attacked. The Brute asked me gruffly what I wanted, and I, polite as a rather frightened girl can be, explained that I just wanted to see the palace and maybe find out who ruled the people here.

I’m not sure how the Brute would have replied, because at this moment her majesty strolled out of the wide doors of the palace in a trailing gown, a cigarette holder dangling between her long fingers, her beautiful face cool and impassive. I curtsied seeing her crown, as I had read in books, and I stumbled a little. I don’t know whether it was the act of obeisance or simply my clumsiness that amused her, but there was a smirk on her face when she greeted me as the Maid of Blood and introduced herself as the Black Queen. I told her that I was honored to meet her, and that her city was beautiful. I know now when she replied that I must not have seen enough of it yet, that she was joking. At the time, with her cold eyes and her deadly serious look, I didn’t know what to say in return.

She seemed amused, once again, by my stunned silence, and she declared to the guards that she would have a personal audience with me. Without much knowing what was going on, I was ushered into the Black Queen’s sitting room. She laid out on a divan, long and stretched and I sat up as well as I could in the soft cushions of the chair facing her. She offered me something to drink and very suddenly I felt like Edmund come to Narnia. With the wisdom of hindsight I suppose the comparison is apt, though the Black Queen shares little with Jadis aside from being both being tall, female monarchs.

This first visit set the pattern for a number to come; the Queen asked me questions and seemed content to let me answer them at my usual length without much interruption; though when she stopped me for clarification we often got off on a tangent. I told her about Earth, and what I knew so far of Derse, which was very little. It was here I first was introduced to my role as a supposed destructor. The Queen must have seen the horror in my face since she offered me alcohol again. I declined, but accepted some coffee. The talk lasted hours. When it finished, she told me I was to come back the next day, and we would talk again. It was later I realized that she was of course using our chats to gather intelligence.

But I enjoyed our chats, as they continued, sometimes long, sometimes only for a few minutes, but once each night I was on Derse. These chats eventually lead to my official title as Dreamer Liaison, but more importantly they lead me to better know the Black Queen. I can’t say I know everything about her, as she is a very complex and private woman

The Queen is on the surface a very cold and calculating woman, even ruthless, and known to enjoy the petty suffering of others. This is in large part a deliberately crafted image for her subjects, the Prospitians and the rest of the medium. The Dersites especially expect their queen to be fearsome and intimidating— hesitance and over-politeness are considered Prospitian mannerisms culturally. This of course does not mean that the Queen fails to intimidate her own subjects.

On a more personal level I find the Queen to be a very lonely woman, at least up until recently. The looming spectre of her husband on Skaia, and inability to trust the sincerity of a romantic approach— one that would not be used for merely power of blackmail— have left her essentially single for many centuries, feeding into something of a romantic bitterness and at the same time, a thirst for affection. There is a persistent rumor, which I believe from my own observations and conversations to be true, that the Queen had something of an affection for archagent Jack Noir. However the manner in which she attempted to convey these feelings led to something of a misunderstanding with the archagent and they now have somewhat of a love/hate relationship.

I think the Queen would say that she doesn’t have any friends, but I don’t personally think that to do true. Aside from me, I know that she confides in a few of her servants, though I will admit she has had few peers with whom she shares time. I have noticed in her a fondness for those lower on the totem pole, though her intimidating coldness combined with her habitual biting wit often have a habit of convincing people otherwise. With most politicians and aristocrats she has a habit of being coldly dismissive, yet with lower underlings she continually pushes, prods and bites (metaphorically) seeking a reaction, in I think a playful way. Those who engage her are rewarded with her continued attention, and those who do not are brushed away with boredom.

Underneath her cold exterior the Queen has a very cutting sense of humor, with a knack for biting sarcasm. She has told me before that intentional comedy offends her— its presumptuous and stupid according to her majesty. In contrast I have heard her laugh loudly and openly at some of the worst, most poorly scripted, poorly acted movies in the medium, which are a favorite entertainment of hers. I have taken the liberty to share some Earth movies of this type with her, and she now counts ‘Son of The Mask’ and ‘The Room’ among her favorites.

Historically the queen has had  somewhat of a refusal to leave the immediate area of the palace. Her reluctance to do so is not, I think out of any social phobia or unwillingness to deal with those ‘below her’, rather, due to her unwavering an unflinching obligation to her duties as Queen of Derse. I know that she has considered it her personal mission to ensure the survival of her kingdom and her subjects, and her single-minded worry and planning has in the past kept her from fully allowing herself to relax and interact aside from for official business.

Now that the medium is somewhat more peaceful, or at least the looming specter of the prophecy has lessened, I and others have encouraged her to get out more. I am pleased to say that the results are so far good. She has taken a fondness for gambling and can lately be seen out at the expensive Stone Rollers casino, emptying the pockets of her subjects. The Queen is an absolute shark at poker and I do not recommend playing against her with anything serious on the line. She has opened her social calendar up to suitors as well, and I have occasionally seen some Dersite or another on her arm, though so far no one has lasted long. I have seen her making more frequent visits to the archagent’s office again however.

In sum, though the Queen appears merely cruel and cold on the surface, I find that there is much more behind that facade to admire. She is a dutiful, strong and fierce woman, who is eager to be loved, but equally eager to avoid being hurt. She’s wickedly funny, once you understand that she is joking, and she’s very smart. She has a strict sense of justice and the law, and doesn’t give favor to the powerful or rich. She is a woman used to relying only on herself, and it shows, in both positive and negative ways. She is every inch a Queen, and she could be nothing else. I have a great fondness for her, and I hope that should she read these diaries, she will not feel that speaking so frankly of her tarnishes her image, as that is not my intent.