Mordax et al

I’m not going to delete fromfiction. Even if I stopped blogging, I’d leave it up, because I know that information helps others. I was feeling melodramatic, and moody, and like I should ‘take away’ my work, if I left the kin community.

I think about leaving the kin community a lot. Being a part of it often saddens and depresses me.

I hate troll blogs that caricature my beliefs in an extreme way and make them seem foolish.

I hate anti-kin, relentlessly pounding the hammer of ‘human, human, human’.

 I hate armchair psychologists who scream ‘delusion! schizophrenia! Psychosis!’

I hate how often being kin is discussed through the lens of mental illness, or in the context of mental illness.

I hate people who talk about being kin as if it were something you could just decide to drop one day.

I hate people who talk like being kin is a game, like its something made up.

I hate all the people who contribute to the image that being kin is not something real, important and meaningful to those who experience it.

And this is why I don’t understand people who say ‘I made up my kin identity to cope with X’.

Because my being kin does help me ‘cope’. Knowing that I’ve lived lives before, and will again– being connected to something strange and alien and inhuman– remembering visions of worlds other than this one and reliving them– they remind me that my life has purpose, and magic in it.

And in order for being kin to help me like that, I have to believe that it is *real*.

 A fun idea that can be picked up and put down at will can’t hold any weight– can’t save you when you’re hurting– because you ultimately know its false and you’re lying to yourself.

For me, being kin is a real, magical phenomenon that has weight and existence outside of my mind. It is a cosmic miracle. An inter-dimensional wonder. It is something that connects my heart, my soul to the multiverse. It is the cornerstone of my belief in anything and everything else. It is the lens through which I view all of reality.

And its okay that that’s not the case for other people. I’m not trying to tear down psychological kin here– they’re as legitimate as I am, they just don’t believe the same things.

But what I’m saying is that all the negativity, all the people saying that kin are pretending, or that its caused by some kind of mental illness, the whole miasma of kin disbelief permeating the community and the tags, physically exhausts me.

My belief is robust. It has weathered a decade and more of questioning, from inside myself, and from outside. 

But the constant assault that tumblr provides, the constant call to evaluate and re-evaluate, to affirm and reaffirm that this is my real belief, and is not some delusion, it wears on me. It exhausts me. It makes me want to walk away and leave everyone to their own devices.

And that’s why I was talking about deleting fromfiction.