Mordax et al

nagathewhiteserpent:

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I should be working on my novel. But here we are.Once again, I’m stuck with Intrusive thoughts that refuse to leave, memories of a life that has long passed. 

So here goes. My session was fucked. From the beginning. I feel it’s important to say that my canon doesn’t line up perfectly with the comic. So, yeah. Just wanted to put that out there. 

But as for how fucked it was? I was a young heiress, afraid of responsibility. Afraid of becoming indentured to the people’s needs. The Beforan society turned my stomach. Packing up everything I could, I fled the position to the pink moon. I lived in near isolation. A runaway heiress. Immature. Obsessed with material wealth and gossip and all the glittering distractions of the fuckin’ world I wanted. I was impulsive, angry, full of bad fucking ideas and stupid jokes. So that makes it all the better when I found a stupid video game on the stupid moon. 

I saw a way to break the tedium. What I actually got, was the ultimate tool. For creation and extinction. Boom. In a single moment once we had our players, chosen long ago by fate and magical science, the planet I fucking hated was decimated. We were catapulted into a new world. A game. An actual game world.  With a leveling system,  music, mechanics and code. But it was a living, breathing world too. A galaxy contained within a shitty RPG/Builder game. It was fucking awesome. But we fucked up, big time.

We didn’t prototype anything. Nothing. Not a single one of us idiots prototypes anything pre-entry. (thus creating a shit-ton of nulls in the code, which due to shit leads to an angry glitch nightmare tearing it’s way across the future. and ruining lifetimes to come) No forms in the ring. No properly generated enemies. No real growth up the ladder. The game world is left in it’s primitive and mostly empty state. Sure. There’s quest beds. There’s rudimentary quests. There’s residents of the planets who were alright to talk to, and the war between carapaces……but we were stagnant. The threat we accidentally created wouldn’t effect us directly till far after we all died. 

We behaved like shitty teenagers. Romantic drama, boredom… We played the game the best we could, but ultimately, I felt we weren’t doing good enough. So i tried to foster animosity. Animosity breeds competition breeds a vicious yet victorious group of trolls. 

Of course, that backfired horribubbly (heh). Wound up dying and getting smacked in the face with god tier. Started a cycle of death and destruction over petty teenage drama. Some of us hit god tier. Some of us didn’t. But the time came when we couldn’t get any further. So….. complicated bullshit later, we’re resetting the session and I surprise everyone with group murder-suicide! Yay!!!

In effect, I saved our souls, but I stalled our progress. At least, until later events could drag us back into the fray. we spent a fucking ETERNITY , going over the same teenage drama in an echo chamber. It was terrible. I wasn’t a fan. I was happy to meet Vriska and run off to be awesome. I only really liked Rufioh and Porrim. out of that gaggle of dorks. (I _liked_ Aranea. a lot, until she turned out to be a backstabbing , horrible barracuda) 

But why is this important to self actualization? Because the leveling system was basically your quest of self actualization. You get to the end, you become your ultimate self. The best possible you out of yous. This is pretty much text in the comic, and my experiences, yeah, that’s pretty much what it was. And we? we never got to be the best us. We were fractured. Flawed. I stayed immature, I kept running away, I kept being impulsive and angry and greedy. 

We never got to be who the game was supposed to make us. Because we fucked up.

Later, we got a second chance. I took it, and I became the best me of all possible me’s (Including HIC adult version). We defeated the evil, and everyone who fucking managed to get their act together….got to be the people they were always meant to be. We fucking did it. We made that universe. We moved on. 

And it was awesome. 

Even if all the shit we had to wade through to get there was fucking terrible. (COD DAMN I HAD TO PUT UP WITH SO MUCH CRONUS AND KANKRI AND LKDLFJLDKFJD IT WAS A NIGHTMARE)